The Secret Cave

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“Keep your fingers out of there!”

“But it’s awesome” ‘ silently wishing he could crawl inside to explore the sea-cave.

 “Scary creatures may be lurking – creatures you won’t able to spy with your little eye.” 

He waited until she had trudged ahead along the shoreline, distracted by the continual onrush of wave-lets. 

He closed his eyes, made a wish and reached in.

Suddenly, magically, he was atop his perch on the rocky ledge inside the cavernous  castle, ready to defend against dragons and demons.  This is where he wanted to be!  

He’d think about going ‘home’… later.

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Written for Velvet Verbosity, 100-word challenge, applying the prompt “peephole”.  It conjured up visions of hidden recesses into which a little boy might delve to explore the reaches of his imagination.

6 thoughts on “The Secret Cave

  1. Plum Cottage

    The mental image I got was not of a child but rather a small sea creature( crab? Starfish? ) – something that is predatory lunch for others larger and more powerful.
    The mother / sister/ teacher being is instructive and wary but more engrossed in searching the shoreline- perhaps for their OWN meal. Intriguing bit of writing…..

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  2. David Blackstone

    When I read other people’s entries for prompt sites I find myself commenting about formatting probably more than is helpful, but here goes nonetheless… I was left wondering why the other (unidentified) speaker’s dialogue was a different color, and why his was indented, so much so that I ended up having to go back and reread to retain the actual content. Maybe that’s just me.

    His (only dialogue) has a couple issues: one, there should be an apostrophe in ‘it’s’, as it’s short for ‘it is’.. In addition the attribution is muddled,,, it seems like you changed your mind halfway through as to what you wanted the structure to be, and didn’t remember to go back and fix the beginning to match. I suggest either:

    “But it’s awesome,” he said, silently wishing he could crawl inside to explore the sea-cave.

    “But it’s awesome.” He silently wished he could crawl inside to explore the sea-cave.

    …Either way you’ll end up having to massage your word count

    I’d also suggest ‘inwardly’ for ‘silently’, since he is speaking in that moment and, though I know what you mean (he’s not explicitly speaking his wish), it seems incongruous.

    I did like the mental picture I got of the little boy on the beach, finding the rocks, being overtaken by his imagination. It’s a good effort. 🙂

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    1. BCIJo (aka Joanne Edith)

      Thank you. Your observations and comments are appreciated. I see that i sacrificed both accuracy and structure when I tried to whittle the word count, and I’m embarrassed that I mis-used “it’s”; I do know better. It is refreshing to receive corrective criticism.

      Like

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